True Blood, New Moon, Twilight, Vampire Diaries fuck enough already. What is with the vampire TV shows, books, movies, they are everywhere. I fully expect American Idol next season to include a vampire judge to take over for Simon Cowell. Which would actually be okay because along with getting voted off the show the contestant would then be attacked and killed by the vampire judge right there on FOX in front of Ryan Seacrest. And when that short ass Seacrest gets out of line the Vampire judge would kill him too. I’m actually looking forward to this new secret Vampire American idol judge.
Who makes the rules that now everything must include Vampires on it to be cool? Although, I will also admit, Abe Lincoln taking time out from freeing the slaves to kill some Vampires is pretty cool. I wish just once we could see a real Vampire on one of those soda pop movies thrash the shit out of someone, kill them, and scare the hell out of the teen’s watching and demanding this crap. Instead they just run around in the night and pull their shirts off and act coy and vampirery. <—-not a word, but it’s my blog.
In my day there were two Vampires that’s it. One would eat cereal and one would count a lot of shit repeatedly:
Now everyone is a fucking Vampire
Okay, I admit I would let Megan Fox suck me bone dry.
Miley Cyrus, I wish she was a Vampire. She would be less threatening then a lip syncing pop singer with a mullet for a dad.
Ask her former husband (Guy Ritchie) and he’ll confirm that Madonna is a blood sucking Vamp.
Gordon Ramsey isn’t a Vampire, he’s just a douche that yells at everyone to stay out of his god damn kitchen.
Hugh Laurie: There’s a Vampire in the House.
Here is the asshole who started it all: Robert Pattinson
Pattinson = Vampire/douche Cut your hair and I believe your standing in the light, shouldn’t you melt or something dick?
Next craze I’m guessing is Werewolves: Memo wolves, put your shirts on assholes
This isn’t a wolf pack it’s a collection fart monkeys. (optical illusion)
This is a wolfpack (1-man wolfpack)
It’s my hope IronMan in IronMan 3 along with his buddy War Machine will kill every god damn Vampire and Werewolf in the forest with extreme prejudice and we can move on with our lives. Vampires can SUCK IT.
Thanks for reading Atomic Gator, remember if you don’t read my blog and laugh then the terrorists have won.
kickass Celebrity Vampires courtesy: http://blog.thaeger.com