[tweetmeme source=”richramirez1” only_single=false]
BPToy: Car of the future
If the car of the future had no brakes and spit oil out like a geyser
The two biggest idiots of the past 6 months (Toyota and BP Oil) announced a joint effort today that will include some sort of rocket car that won’t stop leaking oil. The new BPToy vehicle will be powered only by massive amounts of spewing oil and apparently has no brakes. “If you downshift correctly, you won’t need them,” says a confident BPToy team leader.
“We are planning a huge Blockbuster this summer not unlike the movies, so be prepared for a monster good time,” said a spokesman for team BPToy. He went on to say “we want to give back to the citizens of Louisiana and this is our way of saying thanks for putting up with us.”
The newly formed team called: BPToy will officially launch a prototype car this summer in New Orleans. The car is currently being heavily guarded but we’ve managed to sneak a few pictures out of headquarters.
At first glance it looks a lot like the Wagon Queen Family Truckster from the Vacation movies and that is no coincidence. The BPToy team was looking for an old school look and wanted it to be friendly and inviting to everyone. “We wanted something everyone could relate to, single people, large families, I mean who doesn’t love the Vacation movies? We think the Honky Lips wagon embodies that persona,” per a BPToy spokesperson. No word yet on the slogan, although the classic quote: “You think you hate it now but wait till you drive it” will certainly not be used, according to sources close to the team.
This is the current preliminary route the team expects to take touring through Louisiana. The summer tour will start in the Northern reaches of the state and crisscross several times, finally ending in the Gulf somewhere near the spot of the old Deepwater Horizon. “If you look at the map we were very sensitive not to get into the New Orleans area nor the coastal regions around New Orleans. We are very sensitive to the problems they’ve had there already with Hurricane Katrina.”
“Sure we will leave massive oil spills and plumes of oil throughout the state but it can easily be removed from the roads with a few million gallons of water, soap, sand, gravel, a couple hundred thousand more gallons of Oxi-Clean and years of rain and regular global erosion. We will not hurt anymore wildlife and that is also a promise I can probably make right now,” stated a BPToy Executive speaking on anonymity. “Unless of course we run over a stray dog or cat or raccoon or deer or hell anything on the highway. That happens daily anyway so lets not get in a pissing contest over a few daily road kills, okay? Remember this car is a prototype.”
This was the concept car that started it all: The Rolling Fogbank
This all started with a dream joint venture between BP Oil and Toyota and how they could affect everyone state wide in Louisiana. Team President, H.E. Pennypacker said this was always a huge goal of theirs from the beginning. “We knew New Orleans and some coastal sections of the state have been rampaged but how can we do the same to everyone else in the southern state? We think this new BPToy car will succeed where others have failed. We will make them remember how unstoppable our car can be when powered by Toyota and BP Oil.” No official statement on who would be driving the Honky Lips, dream team, no brakes, oil car but apparently a woman driver named “Katrina” will be doing the honors.