With the recent storm heading into the Gulf of Mexico it got me thinking more about this oil spill disaster. I’m not kidding here, wait till a big hurricane hits the Gulf of Mexico, you think the oil spill was bad before, it will be raining oil fucking everywhere. Who knows maybe this is the only way to disperse the oil, have a Category 5 Hurricane sling it all over creation.
The National Hurricane Center issued it’s annual seasonal forecast today and as predicted New Orleans will be wiped out. I know the season doesn’t start for a month or so but by the time BP gets it’s ass in gear we can assume mother nature will begin sending hurricanes into the Louisiana coast. I’m not sure what Louisiana did to deserve the wrath of hell but perhaps it has to do with all the drinking and voodoo in the french quarter.
According to the 2010 hurricane forecast there is an 85% chance of an above normal season. What does this all mean – I’m glad you asked. 8-14 named hurricanes with 3-7 of those being major hurricanes.
How do they know all of this, when they can’t even tell me with 100% accuracy if it’s going to rain tomorrow or not? Great question, and I have ZERO answers. I assume they put data in a computer, go out to lunch, play some X Box then come back and throw darts at some numbers and come up with an official hurricane forecast.
Hurricane Names = 100% Lames
Just a pitiful pussy list of names. The storm names this season strike fear in me like the lineup of Disney Princesses.
Gaston: Sounds Mexican, will head straight for Cancun, mark my words amigos.
Hermine: This list looks more and more like a show tunes list of credits
Karl: As in Karl sounds like a pussy of a hurricane name. Lookout for Karl packing winds 5-9 mph.
Lisa: Lisa, seriously? Who named these storms my daughters preschool class?
Nicole: I keep hoping the names get better but they keep sounding like a doll collection.
Tomas: a gay hurricane?
Walter: not kidding. Your old uncle Walter who can barely get out of his wheelchair has his own hurricane name.
What a bunch of delicate non-threatening names. I kept waiting to hear the name Hurricane Justin Bieber: I mean he blows hard right? By the way, this list of names get rotated with 5 other lists. So, every 6 years we get the same shitty names. The only way a name is taken off the list is if the hurricane is really devastating then the name is retired and a new wussy name replaces the old wussy name.
Here is my list of Hurricane Names for the 2010 season:
Deep Dish Nuts
Dimension of Blowing you down
Beyond Kick Ass
Crush you to the edge of the Robo Burrito
Bringing it hard balls
Whoop ass Fish
Hurricane of Scream
This Hurricane brought to you by Starbucks
October of the crush your house justice
Organized Flood New Orleans
First class bye bye roofs
Flood your ass hamburger
Flood your ass of the midnight badger
Can’t you just hear Jim Cantore tell you to brace for the devastation about to brought on by Hurricane Crush you to the edge of the Robo Burrito! How awesome would that be? With names like this it’s actually better for the general public.
Indulge me here: would you be running for your life it Hurricane Lisa was heading to your beach town, probably not? I would probably still go about my business and ride the storm out. Oh, here comes Lisa, set another place setting for dinner. Now if Hurricane Bringing it hard balls was headed to your town, your ass would gas up and drive to the upper mid-west.
Isn’t that the purpose of all this, get people aware and have them take full precautions? Why even name them if the best you have is Hurricane Paula? Come on, why not call it Hurricane baby rabbit eating a flower.
This picture says it all about Meteorologists. It’s not raining and we still have our pretty brightly colored umbrellas because it may or may not rain. There is a 50% chance it will rain and a 50% chance it won’t rain, either way we’re prepared. YES and either way you are also wrong. Also, take those shit eating grins off your faces, both of you.
I hope you enjoyed Atomic Gator, I guess it’s a slow day if I’m giving weather reports. Next up, traffic and airport delays. Where else are you going to get pictures of He-Man, Disney Princesses and Justin Bieber all in the same story? No where, that’s why you have to keep coming back for more.