How many dwarfs are we legally allowed to kill in a lifetime? I feel like I am well below my quota.
— The Rich (@richramirez1) May 24, 2011
First off you do not need ANY experience and you don’t need an agent. In fact you’re encouraged to apply if you don’t. You just need to apply and be yourself. Well you probably need to be entertaining and somewhat unique but you don’t need any acting experience and you don’t need an agent. I know, so unbelievable I had to say it twice in the first paragraph.
Who knows, if you’re really good maybe you’ll become a Hollywood Movie Star and you can give Atomic Gator all the credit for jump starting your career! We can talk about my finder’s fee and agent cut later 🙂
Todd Phillips the director of the Hangover, Old School, Starsky & Hutch and Road Trip among others is looking for some fresh faces for his new film. He wants you and if you think you have what it takes head over to ProjectXOpencall The only requirements are you must be 18 and you must me a legal citizen. Another cool aspect of the open casting call is it’s all online. You don’t have to fly to Hollywood to apply or stand in any lines or smooze any bullshit agent. You just go over to the link at ProjectXOpencall and fill out an application and submit your video. Pretty damn cool if you ask me, did you ask me?
Project X, which isn’t the working title only what the movie project is referred as right now; will be a sort of party movie shot from a first person perspective, putting the movie goer into the action. Todd Phillips thought instead of regurgitating the same actors for this movie that he would try to find some ‘real’ people for his next comedy. Joel Silver is also on board so this project will be an easy green-light with the backing of Silver and Warner Bros. [tweetmeme source=”richramirez1” only_single=false]
Can’t talk about Todd Phillips without including some funny movie clips could we?
Hope you enjoyed Atomic Gator now go get in the movies!
By now you all have seen or at least heard about the new Nike Tiger Woods commercial. Tiger Woods stares into the camera while audio of the his father, the late Earl Woods talks to Tiger about responsibility. It’s a pretty powerful commercial. Well the Atomic Gator has found a more powerful commercial. It’s the same Tiger Woods stare but instead of the fatherly figure coming down on him, Batman himself, Christian Bale, is giving Tiger a much needed verbal beating. I warn you it’s a little crude but come on, so was Tiger, and now Batman is opening up a can of whoop-ass on him.
If the world needs anything it’s a Mexican Robot that loves Tequila and Garlic Fries. Enter Tequila Bot, my new favorite Super Hero. Don’t tell me he’s not a hero, he’s part machine, part Mexican and 100% dedicated to Tequila! He can even pitch commercials drunk. I dare you to find a better Tequila drinking Mexican Robot, I dare you!
I’m betting Tiger Woods and Tequila Bot know each other well.
NC: Hello Hollywood? [tweetmeme source=”richramirez1” only_single=false]
HW: Hello Nic, what can we help you with?
NC: I’m surprised you answered. Just curious if I can come back now?
HW: I’m surprised I answered. Let me get your file hold on.
NC: Take your time
HW: Holy Shit
HW: Your list of movie bombs is impressive. Sorry, you aren’t due up for review again till 2020.
In fact if making shitty movies was a crime you would be imprisoned for life.
NC: I’m in a new cool movie coming out: KICK-ASS
HW: That’s nice but we just go with the facts.
NC: What facts?
HW: Lets review: Guarding Tess, 8mm, Ghost Rider, Wind Talkers, The Weather Man, Gone in 60 seconds, Snake Eyes, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin? Seriously Nick, we have to draw the line somewhere and we draw it at Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.
NC: Francis Ford Coppola, Sofia Coppola do those names mean anything to you?
HW:Yes, you have some famous people in your family.
NC: Alright here goes, you’re forcing me to use the big stuff: I won an Academy Award!
HW: Yes you did. You won an award in the movie where you portrayed a large drunk in Leaving Las Vegas.
NC: Yes sir, Academy Award winner, Nic Cage
HW: How hard was it for you to get drunk, show up on the set, continue drinking and stumble around your lines? Seriously, you got an award for being drunk. It’s not like you’re John Malkovich or Meryl Streep okay?
NC: I was in Raising Arizona
HW: Great movie in 1987, this is 2010 Nic
HW: That is where the comparisons end
HW: Your home in Bel Air was auctioned off in foreclosure two days ago.
NC: F You Hollywood!
HW: Listen Nic you took a huge dump on Hollywood for several years with your piece of shit movies, it’s not our fault, fire your agent.
NC: Just the other day some news person in Hollywood said I was on the “A” List
HW: No they didn’t idiot. They said you were on a list. The dumb-asses still in Hollywood list.
HW: Listen, just keep going in the right direction and perhaps you can come back
NC: 2 words: Academy Award
HW: 3 words: Lisa Marie Presley
NC: I’ll give you that one, nice play
HW: Give it some time Nic
NC: Sucks, I want back now
HW: If you want back immediately you have to do one of two things
CN: What I’ll do anything?
HW: A string of 3 or 4 great movie roles or
NC: Not going to happen, Next?
HW: A big scandal
NC: I’m not sure I can do the movie role thing but I can probably do an awesome scandal of some sort.
HW: With your record in Hollywood, you need a big scandal, not just sleeping with teenagers or drinking & driving and yelling at the cops, something big
NC: Like what rob the Pizza Hut guy?
NC: Yeah, I talk to the bitch, why?
HW: She is the only one with access to Elvis and Michael Jackson.
NC: So, what’s your thinking?
HW: You need to find a way, ahhh nevermind
NC: What, I said I would do anything!
HW: Okay, you need to dig them both up, set them up at a table and pretend to have dinner with them. Meanwhile video taping the entire event and make sure you also have jugglers and clowns on unicycles for the premier on YouTube.
HW: Or monkeys, just something that’s classy. You get the idea and you need to wear that outfit from the movie Honeymoon in Vegas
NC: This does not sound like a good idea.
HW: I tell you what isn’t a good idea. Movie scripts like: Gone in 60 seconds, Wind Talkers, Bringing out the Dead, Snake eyes. Seriously do I need to continue, because if I have to I will?
NC: Just stop, I’ll do it.
HW: Look at it this way, with your piece of shit career in Hollywood this can only enhance your Q Factor. People can’t hate you less, it can only help.
NC: You’re right
HW: Damn right I’m right. When you’re at the bottom sucking scum you can only go up. Doesn’t that make you feel good?
NC: I’m not sucking scum.
HW: You were married to that chick that looks like a dude?
NC: Patricia Arquette. You’re right I suck.
HW: Good luck Captain Corelli
NC: Very Funny
If you liked this version of Celebrity Phone Conversation check out the other one with Magnum PI and Gordon Gekko, they debate the new Apple iPad. It’s in the story: Is the Apple iPad really going to save the Universe?
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