Move over May 5th, instead Arizona will have May 4th, May 4.5 and May 6th, in that order. The State of Arizona believes if they ban May 5th or ‘Cinco de Mayo’ from the state calendars all the Mexicans will round up in two or three pick up trucks, get their stray dogs and head back over the border. It’s called a genius move by fellow Arizonians or “racists” as they’re known throughout the rest of the country.
So with May 4.5 now on the books and in all the official calendars the state can now wait and hope all the Mexican’s flee back South of the Border. If that doesn’t work or takes too long to process and some Arizona racists think it may, they have a plan B simply know as: Project 3 Amigo’s! Although Arizona prefers to call them 3 Friends.
Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms and Ned Nederlander are in the bullpen waiting for the call from the State of Arizona to help round up and get rid of the Mexicans.
When asked to make one more official comment the State of Arizona only offered something up ‘off the record.’ “We want them all gone. Maybe in the future we can work something out and they all can come in for one day a week to do gardening or fight chickens but for now they need to get back to their homeland. Sure my lawn is going to suffer but in the big picture I can always just pave the whole front yard.”
Mexico declined all comments because they were out of the office, drunk and beating the shit out of pinatas all day. We assumed that was because of the Mexican holiday but the locals say that happens every Wednesday.
However, sources close to the Mexican government tell me they also have a plan and they will counter attack Arizona with the Robot know as Tequila Bot.
I hope you enjoyed Atomic Gator, happy Cinco de Mayo!