This review will not only be a full review it will also be produced 100%, 90% about 50% on the iPad. Which I can tell you right now, will be a pain in the ass without a ‘real’ keyboard.
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Really Apple? Seriously with the iPad? No, I get it, I get it, a bigger app playing machine that doesn’t do what my other app playing machine does; like fit in my pocket or make PHONE CALLS. I love Apple, I really do. I have an iPhone, my wife has an iPhone, we have several iPods, an iTouch, I’m currently typing on a bad-ass 24 inch MAC. I really love Apple, honestly. But do I really need an iPad? This thing looks beautiful and I’m sure it’s sleek, but I feel we are going down a road much like the people who would rather watch a movie on their phone then at home on a 54 inch PLASMA TV. The useless, stupid road. Ever hear the expression, you don’t need a space shuttle to go up a flight of stairs? It applies here.
Things you wont hear in the Apple store, “can’t wait to download ‘Avatar’ when it’s released and watch all it’s beauty on my 3-inch iPhone.”
Apple types will then immediately say Aha! That’s why we have the iPad for bigger viewing of the movie! Well stupid, I have a plasma TV for ultimate viewing pleasures and it’s awesome. I just don’t get it. A larger iPhone that is NOT a phone. A device that is like the laptop computer but WITHOUT all the functionality of a real laptop. Sure, if I’m going on a plane and my kids are NOT with me – wait let me just enjoy that thought for a moment – I would love to have an iPad to play games on or watch a movie. Outside of that above said scenario
I can live without it and the nifty price tag of the worlds largest, useless, movie and app playing machine. In other words: Ladies & Gentlemen the world’s largest iTouch.
Didn’t the iTouch become obsolete when iPhone’s came out? Thank you, I rest my point. I guess now when I go out during the day I’ll have a shitload of things to bring. I obviously need my phone and my work laptop and now I guess I need to lug the iPad around, just in case I feel the need to play games on a really large screen or randomly decide I want to watch Disney’s Pixar’s Ratatouille while I’m out and about in the real world. Isn’t technology about getting smaller? Remember these phones?
Bigger isn’t always better either. Look at the Hummer, that monstrosity of a truck which is useless unless you are going to disarm bombs in the foothills of the Afghanistan mountains. Maybe of course you hate the Earth and loving paying lots of money for gas, then the Hummer is for you! For that matter maybe the iPad is for you too.
Listen techies and Geek Squads, I know the computer needs updating and this iPad is probably going to fuse into something more useful for all of us, in the future. I know, okay Star Trek? However, this world’s largest iTouch is not it. It’s a lot like the iPhone, only not a phone and a lot like a laptop, only not a laptop. It’s a lot like something useful only it’s not.
Don’t adjust your set. That Star Trek “NERD” above is really bright green.
Would I use the iPad if someone gave it to me? Probably not. Why? Well I already pay for high-speed internet at home and I already pay for a wireless data plan with my iPhone. Now I’ll have to pay for another data plan and for the iPad to be of ANY use outside of my house I will need to connect it to 3G. For about $30 a month extra or roughly $360 a year plus tax and other add on’s this can be all yours. Oh, and if you get the high end iPad with lots of storage and with WiFi and 3G capabilities, well those will go for the tune of $829, but you get FREE shipping! Enjoy your apps on large screen nerds and enjoy those new large bills.
What do the 80’s icons: Magnum P.I. and Gordon Gekko think of the iPad? Let’s listen in:
Celebrity phone conversation: Magnum & Gekko
Magnum: Hello Gordon?
Magnum: I have a lot of chest hair
Gekko: Yes, I know it’s quite a thicket
Magnum: I drive a Ferrari
Gekko: Look Mags, I could buy and sell you, what do you need? Time is money. We all don’t get up at 10am, eat a pineapple and surf all day.
Magnum: Yeah I gotcha. I have a big phone
Gekko: I have a big phone too
Magnum: Whatcha think of the new Apple iPad, releasing April 3, 2010?
Gekko: Dog with fleas
Magnum: In English
Gekko: Nice technology but not essential, too much of a risk. Very little upside, lots of room to go down. Comprende?
Magnum: So your saying?
Gekko: Sell your Apple stock idiot. Just dump it all.
Magnum: Then what exactly is the iPad good for?
Gekko: Putting money in Steve Job’s pockets
Magnum: Is that bad?
Gekko: Are you Steve Jobs?
Gekko: Then it’s bad
Magnum: Cool. How is Bud Fox doing?
Gekko: Great, still swimming in my wake.
Gekko: How is Mr. T?
Gekko: Yeah, whatever the hell his name is. Mr. T and the rest of your A-Team retards running around the shitty black van.
Magnum: Oh, no, that’s the A-Team. I was in Magnum P.I.
Gekko: Yeah that’s right, my bad. (eye roll)
Magnum: You excited about your new movie Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps?
Gekko: Hell yes. Releasing nationwide September 2010.
Gekko: When is your movie coming out? The A-Team.
Magnum: I don’t have a movie coming out.
Gekko: Yes you do. I saw the trailer for the A-Team just the other night.
Magnum: That is NOT my show!
Gekko: Right, well when is your movie coming out?
Magnum: Good talking with you G.G.
Gekko: You too Magnum, tell the mustache I said hello.
Magnum: We’ll do Aloha.
Gekko: Aloha moron
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