Look, if your car made the list don’t get mad, you probably already know you drive a hunk of shit. Don’t take it personally okay? It’s not my fault you drive a steaming pile of shit wagon. Now let’s start with the list.
#10 Pontiac Grand Prix or Pontiac Grand AM
Take your pick, both suck shit out loud. Question, have you ever seen a hot girl get out of either of the above cars? Yeah, me neither. Pontiac keeps rolling out the ugly give them credit, they’re consistent.
#9 Ford Thunderbird
The “Thunder Turd” has maybe the worst lines of anything I’ve ever seen. Combined with the great Aqua Marine and mint color scheme it makes you seriously wonder if Stevie Wonder oversaw the production of this massive turd.
#8 Chrysler Lebaron (aka the Jon Voight)
I love how they try to give these cars such royalty sounding names. It’s regal alright, this thing is one royal pain in the ass to look at. The only thing this hunk of shit has going for it is Jon Voight. He used to drive one before George Costanza bought it at a used car lot.
#7 Chevy Lumina Van
Wow, touted at it’s release as the Van of the future. If the future is rednecks hauling their Pepsi drinking, fat kids to Walmart, then they hit the nail on the head. If I got pulled over by a police officer driving a Chevy Lumina Van, the first thing I would do after throwing the ticket in the trash would be ~ kill myself.
#6 Ford Fiesta
Even the monkeys think this car smells like shit. Don’t act surprised (lady in the car), you drive something that looks and smells like baboon shit, you’re going to attract baboons.
I mean come on, if you were going to name your car after a planet and it looked like a rolling turd you should have named it URANUS.
#4 Aston Martin Lagonda
If James Bond had a lazy, good for nothing, unemployed, half brother, he would drive this crap-mobile. If you are looking for a car that looks like it was made in the basement as a school project, this is your car. It looks like someone took two real shitty cars and smashed it into one big shitty car.
#3 Reliant Regal
In the category of WHAT THE FUCK is that? I offer you the Reliant Regal. And by regal, I mean a rolling three wheel piece of crap. I’ve taken shit’s bigger than this thing. It has three wheels, do you know what that means? It means it’s not a car you dip shits, yet you put a car frame on this triceratops.
#2 PT Cruiser
It may be part-time Cruiser but it’s full time fugly. (fucking ugly) This car is just a shit wagon. I mean, look at it, words are hard to even assemble in a line to describe this 4 wheeled crap stick.
#1 Pontiac Aztek
The ONLY thing this thing is good for, is FOR SALE! (zinger!) It looks like a box, a box full of shit with some windows and stupid tires. Who doesn’t like a car that turns into a tent, a fucking tent? Pontiac, every year you guys lower the bar. Game over mother fucker, you guys without a doubt put the worst looking cars on the road, congrats.
These cars are obviously the worst out there but since they’re so old, I’ll put them on the dishonorable list. More like a lifetime achievement award, for being absolute disasters on the road.
Looks like a bio dome on wheels. A very ugly bio dome on very ugly wheels. Got enough windows in the rear of this vehicle? Looks like a fucking space capsule. Even professional shooting this car in the sunset, and yet it still looks like a steaming turd. I’d like to professionally shoot it, with a bazooka. (zinger!)
Still trying to figure out which gremlin is uglier, I have to go with the car.
Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon
Don’t adjust your monitor settings, this is a real car. Inexplicably, Ford made these back in the day. Inexcusable, people fucking bought them.