And by shit I mean those long ass Christmas letters.
We all have those friends right? The ones who send those adorable Christmas letters reviewing at great length their family’s entire year in review.
DON’T DO THAT!
Just send a fucking card like everyone else and be done with it okay? We can catch up later on the phone, or not.
I swear to God I got one of those stupid ass letters one year and it highlighted the fact they took a tour of the John Deere Tractor factory.
I know you don’t believe me but trust me, it’s true. I don’t need to read a book about your past year. If we are close enough then I know the important things that happened. If we aren’t that close then I really don’t need or give a shit about reading your annual Christmas letter that includes little Billy’s t-ball awards banquet info.
Don’t get me wrong here, I like updates at Christmas, especially from those in my family. This post is directly ONLY at those friends who send out those letter’s summarizing the past year. Those dumb-asses can go suck a fat egg. I’ve got them before in email form as well. I’m sure they appreciated it when I sent back a quick reply of UNSUBSCRIBE! Bah humbug bitches.
DISCLAIMER: This rant does NOT apply to Nana’s and Pop-pop’s Christmas card, which I look forward to reading every year.
Happy Holidays ~ for those of you who didn’t get a Christmas card from me, here you go. Don’t say I never gave you anything. Remember there was a debate with my wife, I said kids only on the Christmas card? Well guess who lost, me! 7 years of marriage and I’m 0-476.
By the way, my scanner sucks. It’s from 1984 or somewhere back in time when they were made out of 100% pure shit. But you get the idea.