Nicknames are great: I recently met a person who has the nickname 7-layer dip.
Unbeknown to them, of course. See this dumb-ass wanted to ‘class up’ the bridal shower with a store bought piece of shit dip that should be used for tailgating. Now that stupid ass has that nickname till they die and probably even after.
We had some gems in high-school. Here are some of my favorites
Tragedy (real last name Hagerty)
Suck head (not sure how to describe this person other than they looked like a god damn suck head)
Sister suck head (sister of the above said suck head)
Catfish (you’ve seen these people. Wide face, sporadic facial hair. Just real pieces of shit)
Horse Face (why the long face? Oh, it’s because you look like a horse)
Donkey or Mexican Donkey (see above, yes he was mexican with a mullet)
Cabbage Rat (one of my all time fav’s)
King Arthur (not in a good way. In a Magic the Gathering way)
Jugg Head (kid had and still has a 5 or 6 head)
Crank shaft (last name was similar)
Slick (that name is funny because my 9th grade science teacher, with a damn distracting lazy eye called everyone “slick”) side note: impossible to cheat in that class, you never knew when he was looking at you. Crazy eyed asshole made my grade’s suffer.
Sleestak (this bozo was a thin, awkward looking bug eyed freak with a mullet and bad posture. Thus the nickname) In fact that guy should sue Land of the Lost for using his exact likeness.
Chick-Fil-A (pronounced Chick Fee La) She worked at Chick-fil-A, not that funny but she did give us free food, thus the name
We also had a kid in high school whose last name was Burito I think we actually called him Eric.
We had another kid whose last name was Zona. We called him Arizona. Nickname isn’t great but I enjoyed that the nickname was longer than his actual name.
Some fellow co-workers I’ve worked beside over the years
Mole Crickett (One of the ugliest creatures on god’s green earth, trust me)
Greasy Jesus (name says it all)
La Machine (great athlete, he knew it too)
The Magician (guy made the routine play look like it was really hard. In other words, he sucked on the field)
Kids used to call me Gilligan in elementary school.
I was also know as the Night stalker since we share the same name Richard Ramirez. He was a devil worshiping serial killer. I’m no angel but I’m not quite as bad as that guy…
My wife has a few nicknames for me now. Asshole, jerk and son of a bitch are a few.
I would like the nickname or moniker: Playboy Billionaire Rich Ramirez.
Lots of these nicknames are not that funny by themselves but if you saw the picture of them next to the actual person it would probably be a lot funnier. That was my disclaimer, ie. this blog post was not that funny. Yes I know.
Happy Halloween Jerks.