Mel, Mel, Mel. We are all aware by now that Mel Gibson’s mouth is indeed a lethal weapon. I’m not going to go into the details, we’ve all read the stories, seen or heard the tapes and know he’s been a huge asshole lately.
They only thing he hasn’t done is put on a t-shirt that says I support BP Oil in the Gulf. Even his agency fired him after the latest round of foul mouth sound offs. Never fear Mel, Rich from Atomic Gator is here and although I don’t know why, I’m here to help you. Yes me, the guy that invented cool and the guy that brought you awesome. I have a few ideas to help Mel improve his image and get back in the good graces of the forgiving public.
The climb back to the top
Most importantly, accept accountability and show some remorse. Tell the public you’ve been a huge cock and yelling at your significant other is unacceptable. You realize you’ve been a douche and you are currently under therapy and plan on getting to the root of the problem. Right there will buy you years and start the climb back to the top. Hold a press conference or go on Oprah or Ellen, just get out there and accept full responsibility and move on. Just as important, you’ll be able to go to random parties again, meet lots of young chicks and get really hammered. That’s what being a star is all about, right?
Now the fun stuff
Dress up like William Wallace and recite the famous scenes from Braveheart somewhere around Hollywood. Take a weekend and call it publicity and just get out there in full costume and do some scenes. Take pictures, hug babies, make fun of yourself and have fun with it. Do you know how awesome this would be? You’d be all over the news, for good reasons and you would be kicking ass, also in a good way. You’ll also sell a lot of Braveheart DVD’s so look at it as a business venture as well.
Donate some money, donate some time
Donate money and possibly time to a worthy charity, possibly for abused spouses or some thing of that nature. Don’t make it private either, milk that publicity for all it’s worth and show everyone you’re dedicated to being a better person. Put on a clown nose and walk around a Children’s hospital, people eat that shit up. Either that or just tell people you were practicing for a movie role in a bad marriage when you were heard yelling your brains out like a maniac on those audio tapes.
Join Facebook, join Twitter just keep getting out there an connecting with people and fans. Be funny, be yourself, just don’t be an asshole.
Charity screening of Lethal Weapon
Hold a charity screening of one of the Lethal Weapons at the Arclight Cinema in Hollywood or anywhere for that matter. Invite a bunch of the LA police force and others with all the money going to the LA Police department. Do a few Q & A’s with the fans, introduce the film and take lots of pictures with the men in uniform. Star Wars did a charity event celebrating 30 years of Star Wars recently with Harrison Ford and it was a huge success. Side note, Harrison Ford said he hadn’t seen Empire Strikes back since it came out 30 years ago. Wow, really? You live with Ally McBeal, how exciting can your life be that you can’t turn on the TV and watch a movie that made you a Mega Star?
Be a guest blogger on the funniest blog out there: Atomic Gator. What? Come on, it couldn’t hurt him anymore than he already has right? Just throwing it out there in case Mel runs across this.
Do a new Apple iPhone 4 Advertisement. This way you and Apple are both making fun of each other, that is always the best way to win people back. Commercial opens with you directing a movie on set. You reach for your new iPhone 4 and have no reception. You then start just yelling and berating the shit out of the phone until your assistant tells you to put a cover on it. Just then you, mad as hell, step up to your assistant whom you assumed meant put a cover on your mouth. Until they pull out an Apple case for your new iPhone. You then realize they meant the phone needs a cover. Cut to Apple logo full screen, something like formally introducing the new iPhone jackets. Cut back to you and your assistant laughing and you on the phone with full bars. Then you cry a little as your laughing so hard and tell your assistant, “haha, you’re still fired.”
Parity of yourself on Funny or Die
If you have never checked out Will Ferrell’s and Adam McKay’s website Funny or die you are missing out. Because Will Ferrell is involved they get major stars to do comedies on there all the time, usually making fun of themselves. People like Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Megan Fox etc.. A Mel Gibson comedy would improve his tarnished image enormously.
If all else fails, do a Vampire movie or Vampire TV Show
Why not right? Everybody else is doing it, so jump on the stupid vampire bandwagon, there’s lots of room on board. If it can make stars out of Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, then it should be able to help you resuscitate your career. You’ll be down with the hot vampire franchise and your Q factor will skyrocket. Speaking of the stupid vampire craze, read an earlier awesome post of mine: Enough with the Vampire shit. It’s a thriller, get it?
Is it just me or does that picture make Robert Pattinson looks like a homeless man with his dad’s blazer on and Taylor Lautner look like C. Thomas Howell in the movie ‘Soulman?’ Yes folks these are the kids your teenage daughters are hot for. Makes you want to puke doesn’t it?
That’s it Mel, do these things along with some serious therapy and you’ll be on the road to recovering your life and your fans back. Most importantly the fans though, they’re the ones who buy movie tickets and DVD’s. I have full confidence in you, so just chillax and get started. And remember when you do Lethal Weapon 8 or whatever, think of me, I’ll be glad to guest star with you since I helped you re-invent yourself.
Just tell your people to call my people. No wait, I don’t have people and come to think of it, neither do you.