With the recent storm heading into the Gulf of Mexico it got me thinking more about this oil spill disaster. I’m not kidding here, wait till a big hurricane hits the Gulf of Mexico, you think the oil spill was bad before, it will be raining oil fucking everywhere. Who knows maybe this is the only way to disperse the oil, have a Category 5 Hurricane sling it all over creation.
Can you image the damage and just plain horrible problems a hurricane is going to cause? I say is, because it’s hurricane season, the water is warm and like it or not peeps, they’ll be a hurricane or two hit the Gulf with some fury this season. When it does come look out because it will be like the Apocalypse when it hits. The only good thing will be watching Jim Cantore get a fucking oil change right in front of the TV as the storm makes landfall.
Hey Weather Channel, quit scaring old people okay?
Also Weather Channel, quit making everything so dramatic. You’re like that drama queen I knew in high school. Everything was a huge production, we get it, it may rain hard today in some areas of the country you don’t need lots of graphics and huge weather montages set to scary music. I could use less weather promos as well, you are the only 24 hour weather channel on TV, so relax and quit being so paranoid.
How do you prepare for a Oil Hurricane Monster?
A regular Hurricane is bad enough – storm surge, coastal flooding, high winds, hail, power outages, wide spread devastation and now we have to worry about oil raining from above like some cruel fucking joke. You have to admit, Mother Nature unleashing her fury on the human race with a oil hurricane is pretty sweet justice for her, I mean we have pissed all over her for many years now and the oil spill is just the last straw.
I guess if any city is going to get the full brunt of a massive oil hurricane you have to name New Orleans the front runner, right?
I don’t know what Voodoo curse that city is under but if something bad can happen to New Orleans it’s probably going to happen to New Orleans. It’s a shame but that place is a target right now and if you’re a resident I would do one of two things: A. Leave or B. Fuck it, keep parting and drinking (I think most residents prefer plan B.)
I imagine if it’s pissing oil from the clouds and also washing in on hurricane waves, they’ll be a lot of toxins around as well. Get your gas masks, life jackets, any and all alcohol and your state issued ID.
You know, regular hurricanes aren’t enough to worry about any more, those are sooooooo yesterday. The new hurricanes today want to be more dramatic and potent and even more deadly. They are following the lead of the new 3D movies and 3D TV’s, bigger is better. So, lookout this summer for the Oil Hurricane Monster, he maybe coming to a city near you.
By the way, since were talking hurricanes check out my earlier post on shitty hurricane names: Link
Anchorman and Anchor Lady
Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone, American’s top news anchors, had this to say about hurricanes and oil spills.
- Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I am a professional and I would like to do my job.
- Ron Burgundy: Big deal! I am very professional!
- Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
- Ron Burgundy: I’m not a baby, I’m a man! I am an anchorman!
- Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!
- Ron Burgundy: I’m a man who discovered the wheel, and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn! That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science. You stay classy America and keep reading Atomic Gator. I’m Ron Burgundy??