I wrote an article a couple of months ago: Attack of the 80’s sequels Awesome Link to revisit the previous funny as shit posting and pretty much ripped all the 80’s remakes coming out this year a new ass. I think in my haste to be a complete asshole I didn’t see the real value in some of these films. Let’s revisit some of these movies and see if I can give a better overall review.
I actually re-watched the original Karate Kid the other night with my wife and it’s still good. It’s a classic Hollywood story. Boy moves to California, boy meets girl, boy gets shit kicked out of him by bully, boy meets old drunk Asian man, boy see’s girl dancing with old boyfriend, boy gets motivated to workout, boy see’s old man try to catch fly with chop sticks, boy waxes some cars, boy paints some decks, boy gets girl, boy gets yellow car for birthday and then boy wins All Valley Karate Championship. You know the story.
The new Karate Kid stars Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan. It actually looks pretty good, they go to China, Jaden gets beat down and then I assume he gets the girl and wins the tournament after only practicing for a few weeks. Isn’t that how all these Karate movies go? VERDICT: Looks like a fun summer film, go see it if you want. I’m old school I’ll stick to the original.
I trashed this movie earlier but the trailers actually look really good. Fun, action and comedy what more could you want from a Summer Blockbuster? I really like Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson so upon second thought: VERDICT: Looks like a really fun movie, I’m there.
Another movie I beat the hell up originally. I will say though, Michael Douglas is awesome and Oliver Stone is Oliver Stone so this modern day version look at Wall Street will probably be pretty damn good. The sequels are usually never as good but we shouldn’t say they suck till we see them, right? As long as Shia LaBeouf doesn’t go all Transformers on us I bet it will be alright: VERDICT: Give it a try, it’s Michael Douglas for goodness sakes and even that pimp Charlie Sheen (Bud Fox) makes an appearance.
I really beat this motherfucker up in the original write up and with no regrets, it was fun! However, looking more closely I bet this will be visually stunning movie, especially in 3D. The plot will probably suck but with all the neon lights and Hollywood special effects I believe this will be a fun night out if you see it in the theater. Probably a lot like Avatar to me, great to see and experience once at the movies. VERDICT: What the hell, let’s go see Tron.
Nightmare on Elm Street
I don’t like the new “Freddy” I mean all I can think of is the Bad News Bears since it’s Kelly (the tough kid who rode the motorcycle). It’s also not a Wes Craven film so that is another strike against it. However, with Freddy attacking in dreams you can go anywhere you want with the story and with the special effects in 2010 and suspense I’m sure it’s a decent horror flick. VERDICT: I won’t see it but I bet it’s a decent scary movie. Take a chick and let her squeeze you tight at the movies.
Clash of the Titans
I trashed it before and to be honest I heard it sucked. Was it even in the theaters 3 weeks? I wasn’t a big fan of the first one and I won’t see this one. VERDICT: If your into this shit and you have some time, rent the DVD. That’s the best endorsement I have for this.
The original in 1984 was okay, and I’m not sure what they will add to this version in 2010. I haven’t heard a lot about the new one at all so I’ll reserve judgment. Don’t look for Patrick Swayze in this one though, I believe he’s still dead. VERDICT: To early to tell but it does come out on 11/24/2010 which is my birthday. I won’t see it then but at least they have a kick ass release date.
I hope you don’t think I’m going soft on you, because I haven’t you maggots. I just wanted to revisit these movies since I’ve seen a few of the previews and was actually excited to see some of them, contrary to my first posting about these remakes. I still think my first article is funnier but this one is probably a little more accurate.
See you at the movies peeps, get me a large bag of Twizzlers, a Coke and I’ll save some seats.